i remember the way he looked in the hospital. his skin was yellowish in color and he was swollen. you could barely even tell he was breathing. his skin was cold, and i could only hear the beeping of the heart machine. he had a big bandage on his chest. he was hooked up to all kinds of machines. and all i wanted at that exact moment was to be as far away as possible.

why am i still dealing with this?

*smacks forehead*

 argh.

i want to start over.

argh. so i keep on thinking about my dad. it's like i'm connecting everything i say and do to him. I keep on seeing him in my personality, in my interests, even in just the way i look. I don't know why, all of a sudden i'm just remembering everything. I don't really think i've been supressing it all along, maybe it just never goes away. argh.

work tonight. not too bad. it was almost fun.... *gasp*... except for that on one of hillary's 92837498234798237423 bathroom breaks, some man could just not understand that we had decaf house blend and house blend coffee:
him: what type of coffee do you have tonight.
me: well we have decaf house blend and house blend coffee
him: oh well i dont want decaf.
me: well we have regular house blend, how about that?
him: no, i said i didn't want decaf coffee, you don't have anything else?
me: we have regular house blend, as in caffeinated house blend coffee, not decaf...
him: oh good, how bout that one, just make sure it's not decaf, you said that was not decaf, right?....

-i should've just given him decaf out of spite. i really hate stupid people, especially stupid people who ask stupid questions and don't understand perfectly logical responses.

so last night i went to see Little Miss Sunshine with sarah, brittany and ryan. it was an absolutely amazing movie. if you have not, please go see it, it's great. then we went and ate some korean? food at the asian restaurant on the second floor at Sea Turtle. tempura and then tempura sushi. 
then brittany, sarah and i went to starbucks in bluffton, and sat outside and had some coffee. then we went and played some pool. it actually turned into a pretty good saturday night. : )

so, in other news, apparently september 20 was my birthday. hehe. i got a birthday card that a bunch of b and n people signed. it was really nice though, it's always really nice to get birthday stuff and feel appreciated. alright, so my birthday was june 24.... that's okay, i think we all need a random birthday card sometimes.... and it did have a really pretty picture by degas on the front and it was not one of those 99 cent cards from walmart, so it was nice. : )

my mom told me that mrs. weatherhead asked if she wanted a golden retriever puppy. i really wish she had said yes. i really want a dog. especially a golden retriever. but i dont want to ask and get shot down. 

and i'll leave you with one final thought:
...I absolutely love crab and shrimp and some fish and lobster and mussels and sometimes oysters and conch and every type of seafood imagineable...

it's really heartbreaking to watch someone who wants to die,
 die very slowly

argh. having trouble again sleeping tonight. and i have to wake up at 7:30, to go to dr. geiger, then to classes, then rush home, change into work clothes, and go to work. and i still have this stupid cold... i left a note for jen b, to not schedule me for more than twenty hours a week after the schedules she's already made up. i am very close to just saying 'fuck b and n' and quitting, it just seems like it's not worth it. yeah, i get a bitchin discount, yeah, if i move i can just transfer to another one... but really, is the discount really worth hating your job? do i really want to transfer to a job that's going to suck?...

Lol. so i open up my email inbox and i have five new emails. of course, they are all spam. but one of them is just awesome. Something from Netsleuth, and this is how it goes, 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lisa,

I just wanted to let you know that your NetSleuth account expires
in about 2 weeks. Did you ever find that info you needed?

If not I'm pretty sure NetSleuth can help. Or maybe there's someone
or something else that you need to investigate ...

We've recently updated the site - why don't you check it out?

Just so you have it handy, here's your login information:

User ID: ------ (or you can use your email address)
Password: ------
http://www.netsleuth.com/login.cgi

By the way - just in case you don't find what you're looking for at
our site I wanted to give you the link to some other great resources
just so you have it handy. These should be able to help you too:

http://www.netsleuth.com/go/resources/

I wish you the best of luck in finding the info you need ...


Sincerely,

Melissa ----
NetSleuth Support Team
http://www.netsleuth.com

P.S. Even if you've already found the info you're looking for you
are welcome to use NetSleuth for another 15 days - but if you want
to cancel your account, just click below to *instantly* cancel it:

http://www.netsleuth.com/cgi-bin/cancel.cgi?uid=45709&pw=197901

*Warning* Clicking the link above will instantly cancel your account!
...



-----------------------
Good job Melissa B. You not only got the wrong email address, but you also just sent someone else's user id and password to the wrong person. Way to go. This is why you, Melissa B, are my hero for the day.



I should send her an email back that's like, 'hey, dumbass try sending your netsleuth spammage to the right email address next time....'

<3

If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks
then I will follow you into the dark...

So I have a shitload of Art History summarizing that i'm just not doing right now. I finally broke down and bought the book at full price from the university bookstore. They'll accept all returns by friday, so i can always just return it for a full refund, and then get the book cheaper at barnes and noble. This is all betting that the book comes in by friday. Because if it doesn't, then i'm fucked. I'm stuck with the expensive book and then i don't want to be the bitch that's like, 'oh sorry, you ordered that book for me, i don't need it...'

Tonight at work some lady gave Jodi and i coupons for free venti frappucinos from barnes and noble cafe. Surprise of my life, there are actually barnes and noble cafe coupons out there. and there's this strange picture on the front of some guy giving a thumbs up and it says 'in mitch we trust'.... Jodi and I could not figure out who the hell Mitch is.... or why he's on the coupon for that matter, and he totally has a toupee(sp?).... 

I think i'm going to get up early tomorrow and go to barnes and noble, get my free venti frappucino and try to finish the art history stuff before class.... argh. At least i like art history, and it's semi-interesting to read all of this stuff....

<3

argh. i do not understand my ovaries, i seriously just had my period like two weeks ago. i don't get it, i'm always right on schedule. okay, ovaries it is not okay to dispell an egg before you are supposed to... i do not like only having two weeks between periods... well it is still better than when i was on birth control and had a period for like 21 days... at least it was light. dammit. my ovaries seriously suck.

and work. was good. except that i hate being wrong. and somebody just pointed out in a very condescending way that i was wrong, and then kept asking if i needed help with things. NO I DO NOT WANT YOUR HELP. I CAN DO IT MYSELF. *annoyed eye twitch*...

man, and i was in a good mood. i really thought today would be a happy day. dammit.